I apologize in advance, this story isn't all about Vanessa. It is a lot about court and her father, etc. I am still pretty bitter, in this case, so forgive me, if I can't stay on topic.
Tony and I were not getting along very well, because of his controlling ways and my cheating. A few weeks before Vanessa was born, her dad told me, "sometimes boyfriends kill their girlfriends and cut their babies out." That was enough. I went to the Domestic Violence place and filed for a PFA (Protection From Abuse Order). Shortly there after, she was born.
Vanessa was born on May 6, 2010. I gave birth to her myself with no family around. I was scheduled to be induced on the 6 sometime in the afternoon. I came into the hospital the night before, because the power was out and this being my 5th child, I did NOT want to give birth at home. So, I came in, took a shower, hung out, and went to sleep. I had a few pains, nothing major. When the doctor came in, he checked me and said its almost time to push...Excuse me? I need an IV, meds, etc.. no time. So in about 1 hour she was born. She was the sweetest little doll. My mom came about half an hour after she was born, thinking it was induction time and I said no, she is over there. That day I called Tony's mother and told her the news. I was close with her, because she watched Alyssa for me a few times. She was a very caring, sweet woman. I think and thought of her as another mom. I went to her advice. She said it was important for me to let Tony see Vanessa and convinced me to do so. So, with a sheriff present, I allowed him to come into my hospital room to see the baby. He didn't want to hold her. He was screaming in my face telling me it wasn't his baby, it was a "Chinese baby." The next day, he had a Sheriff serve me a ridiculous custody paper and I had just gotten out of the operating room, from my tubal ligation. He was mad about my tubal, because he wanted me to have more kids with him. He is a nutter!!!
Tony was the worst kind of stalker, person. We broke up, several times. The one time we broke up, he bought a house a block away from my parent's house. He tried to bring me a nice red Jaguar car for Christmas, when we weren't together. I told him I didn't want to be with him and I didn't want his car. I may have been the only person he couldn't buy with money. He learned about my whole past with my kids and tried to use it against me. He insisted on meeting my biological parents, so he "could see what our daughter may look like." Then said I hang out with "people who got their kids taken away by CPS."
This started my whole episode of 2 years of court. He tried to sue me 2 times for half a million dollars each, you can't get blood from a turnip. He used the court system to harass me and scare me into giving him more custody. We went through a home study,psyhc evaluation (this included MMPI Parenting Assesment), criminal record checks, etc. His Psych. evaluation came back horrible. He tried to get the doctor's license taken away, because he was "Racist." He fought me on everything, including her name. He said that Gabriella was a "degrading white name."
We were in court about 3 times a week. He would bring Contempt Of Court charges against me, that were dropped every time. The Judge would let him join by telephone for the hearings. I would have to find a babysitter for 2 kids, drive to court, and be anxious. One of the more outrageous Contempt of Court was....Tony said that I should be in Contempt, because I didn't give our daughter to him. But then he explained to the Judge he was no where near the United States where he was supposed to pick her up.
He then brought my ex husband into the picture and started Subpoenaing him to the court cases. Through this whole thing... My brother, who adopted ILM, Ranee's dad, my ex husband, and now Tony used the same lawyer. This lawyer knew my whole background and was now doing a custody case against me. My ex had no clue about my life and because of the current case going on...I had to fight him in court to see Ashlyn. I went to the same doctor and got another psych. eval, MMPI Parenting assessment, etc.
The outcome was very different. For Tony's case, I should be awarded full custody and he should have supervised visits with an adult female present at all times. For my ex husband's case, I should have visits and slowly ease into getting her over night. I am telling you that this was putting salt in the all the wounds. I stood, alone in court talking about my daughter Ashlyn with the other side of the court room filled with my ex husband, his family and his new wife's family. I stood alone. My first visit was at their house for I think 4 or 2 hours, it seemed like an eternity. I was not "allowed to tell her I was her mother." I had to ask his new wife permission to paint my daughter's toe nails, make rice crsipie treats on the floor, etc. It was inner pain. I did it a few times and couldn't do it anymore. I asked the Judge and the Psychologist to look into Parental Alienation and by not allowing me to tell my daughter I am her mother, was furthering this. No one would listen to me. So, I gave up. I went with my ex husband to the Prothonotay's office and signed over all my rights. There was a hearing later, after so many days had passed, but I couldn't bear to attend. I was still in my court battle with Tony. 2 court battles, no lawyer, now 3 young children involved, and me not working.
When I would go to pick up Vanessa, in Canada, he would lock her in the car and tell me if I didn't agree to more custody he was going to drive away with her. So, I did sign his papers and then he would submit them to his lawyer. I looked like a fool, for signing a paper and then trying to go back on it. The last time, I was driving to pick her up in Canada, he was on the phone degrading me the whole trip, I had to listen to him, if I didn't then he may not return my baby to me. I finally got fed up and told him I was at the meeting spot. He drove past me and waved and left. I called the Canadian Police and showed them my custody agreement. They tried to find him, but they couldn't. They said it was a US Agreement and there was nothing they could do. I went home, another 4 hour trip and typed up an Emergency Custody Petition. The Judge did not treat it as an Emergency, because "the child is with her father." There was nothing they could do, because "She was in Canada and they couldn't order the authorities there to send her back." So, I just went through all this hell to get an agreement that means absolutely nothing? Fabulous. It was around July of 2012, that I signed full custody of her over to her father. I did not want to have anything to do with him ever again and ever wanted to see a court room. I was going to focus on Ranee' and trying to be the best mother I could be.
He allowed me to come visit her on Christmas on 2011. He made me park my car 3 hours away, so the only way I could leave, is when he took me to my car. He wouldn't let me leave, unless I did intimate physical acts with him. It was worth it to see my baby though. What I can't understand is why, since he has 6 rental properties, 2 in Canada, and 4 here in the States, why he lives in his step mother's basement. His step mother is only 2 years older than him. I haven't seen Vanessa since that day.
I have texted and talked to him, asking to see her through out the year. He says he will have to think about it and then I call him a few days later and I never got back to him on the right day, or he is "busy." We recently got into a fight, because I wrote his mom a letter.
Her and I have been talking forever. She writes me and I write her...we even call each other sometimes. I sent her a letter around Christmas of 2012. To see how she was doing, etc. He must have found out somehow and called me screaming. Its not my business to talk to his family... She is an elderly woman living alone and he has not respect for his mother at all. He won't let her see Vanessa because she won't say yes to his every command. A few days before this I was telling him about my car in bad shape, life, etc...he was telling me all about his new Porsche. So his threat to me, for talking to his mother, was I will go after you for child support. Well, in Canada if you are poor and can't pay they don't make you. My response to him was you need child support when you are buying a Porsche?
To which he said I hate him and my daughter, "because I can't stand to see a minority do well." I said it has nothing to do with the color of your skin..It is about being a humble kind person. I also told him that one day he may piss off the wrong person with his bad attitude. The last thing he said was if you want to see her pay a 10,000 and fight me in court in Canada.
To read more, from my notebooks, my thoughts, feelings, etc...read the next blog..haven't thought of a name for it yet.
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